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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29907594">Standing alone in a crowed room.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/baby345/pseuds/baby345'>baby345</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bisexual Miya Atsumu, Falling In Love, Falling in love but choosing to wait, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Past Relationship(s), Pining Miya Atsumu, Pining Sakusa Kiyoomi, Post-Time Skip, Pre-Time Skip, Pro Volleyball Player Miya Atsumu, Pro Volleyball Player Sakusa Kiyoomi, Sakusa Kiyoomi is Bad at Feelings, Soft Sakusa Kiyoomi, They fall in love during the training camp your honor, falling in love but knowing the timing isn’t right so they wait for the other, my love letter to Sakusa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:22:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,779</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29907594</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/baby345/pseuds/baby345</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sakusa kiyoomi was not easy to love. </p><p>Or at least that was the impression he was told he gave off, and he believed it. </p><p> </p><p>But then Miya Atsumu entered his life.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>107</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Standing alone in a crowed room.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I’m in love with these two! this is more so just a little character study for Sakusa! Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sakusa kiyoomi was not easy to love. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Or at least that was the impression he was told he gave off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was too standoffish, too aloof. Deep blue eyes that were so dark they came off as black, add that with his height and his tendency to shy away from most touches, and let’s just say the few relationships he had didn’t work out. <br/><br/></span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was fine with Kiyoomi, he had volleyball, the few idiots he tolerated and his cousin. He didn’t need much, he had always been a loner.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But sometimes, the pressure would get to him. He’ll stay up at night wondering how it felt to be an average person. What would it be like to love well, normally.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><br/>To not think about how many germs are in one kiss, what it will feel like not to wanna cry when somebody touches you, how it feels to hold hands without getting disgusted when their’s got all sweaty. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wanted to love without being made to feel like he was this foreign concept that nobody wanted to grasp or would never stay long enough to learn the inner workings of himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Omi, there is no such thing as loving normally.” Komori reassured the curly haired boy when he caught the other boy in the midst of a spiral, and had pushed to all of his worries came tumbling out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> His thoughts like dark shadows were swirling through his mind waiting for the smallest hint of weakness to pounce. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another break up, another person telling him that he was too </span>
  <em>
    <span>cold. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Too </span>
  <em>
    <span>weird</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stood outside far away enough  that it gave the paler boy the illusion of space but close enough for kiyoomi to reach out to him if he wanted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> Komori offered a clean handkerchief to the taller boy and lightly leaned against him when he saw he wasn’t going to be pushed away. The silence was a comfortable one, only broken by the occasional sniffle.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“ That ass didn’t deserve you Kiyoomi. Don’t listen to anything he said. You’re perfectly fine the way you are.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa chuckled humorlessly and tried to ignore the tears that made its way down alabaster cheeks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What if he's right though? What if I never find somebody who loves me enough to deal with my..my constant needs and compulsions?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komori frowned and put hand sanitizer on before grabbing his cousin’s hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Woah first off, you're not a burden. So nobody will just </span>
  <em>
    <span>deal</span>
  </em>
  <span> with you. There will be a person out there who will love you because of the little bits and pieces that make you sakusa kiyoomi. And no asshole who can’t bother to just take a shower before touching you should sway you into thinking that you are not worthy of somebody loving you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Easier said than done.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>But then Miya Atsumu entered his life.  At 16 facing each other across the court, kiyoomi would have never guessed that this boy would have a big impact on his life. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That one day he would stand at the altar and devote himself to them, to their love. He doesn’t know that day he has met his soulmate: because their first interaction goes like this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey yer pretty good, maybe me and you can have a private practice later on?” Atsumu cheekily asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blonde had spent the whole first day of the training camp gawking at Sakusa even when it wasn’t his turn to serve, even when he was off the court. And Sakusa could admit, at least to himself that while the blonde was arrogant and clearly an asshole, he was one of the best setters in Japan. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The private practice could probably benefit them both, and well, atsumu isn’t exactly unattractive. Straight white teeth in a boyish face with the tiniest dusting of freckles, his cute in that boy next door way until he opens his big fat mouth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even though the mask covers the blush that seems adamant on crawling up his neck, he tries for a scowl. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No thanks </span>
  </em>
  <span>He goes to say, only for the word: “sure” to come out instead. He could knock himself unconscious right then and there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And when Miya actually smiled in surprise he knew right then and there: his fucked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For the couple days they are at the training camp, they both take extra time to practice later, throwing playful insults and quips back and forth faster then the volleyball in their hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa knows it’s not his usual behavior, and he carefully avoids getting cornered by his cousin who watches them with raised eyebrows and amusement. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jerk. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t know if it’s love, his far too young for that, but what he can say is that his heart beats a little faster everytime Miya goes out his way to wipe his hands and the volleyballs down before each practice, how he keeps hands sanitizer nearby and always without fail offer Kiyoomi some even when he knows he has his own, and how he insisted on calling him that dumbass nickname: omi-Omi. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It isn’t love, but it’s definitely a feeling he never felt before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(“Oh you got it bad, Kiyoomi.”  Komori would coo at his cousin and chuckle at the red that crawled up his neck.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the last day of their private practice, there’s tension in the air. Both know that tomorrow morning they would go back to their respective schools and wouldn’t see each other again till it came for matches. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They don’t talk about it. They spike and set until their panting and their clothes are drenched. Anything to prolong the little bit time they have left, but like all good things, it has to end eventually. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa excused himself first, citing needing to shower and make sure his bag is packed, but before he could make it two steps a hand was lightly grabbing his wrist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa raised one eyebrow and hoped that his face didn't give away how fast his heart was beating. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I do something for you Miya?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Omi-omi I thought I told ya to just call me ‘tsumu.” The other boy groaned.  He let him go, but the tension lingered, a bubble waiting to pop.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kiyoomi retorts die on his tongue when he sees how nervous the blonde is. In all the time his spent with the other he has never seen him nervous. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s almost cute how shyly his playing with long fingers and how big honey colored eyes can’t quite meet his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blonde took a deep breath and straightened up so he could look into dark blue eyes that reminded him of the night sky.  <br/><br/></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ I like ya omi! An’ I know yer busy and ‘tuff with sports and your life an’ I am too but wait for me! I think we could be good together! Maybe not any time soon but I really want y-“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kiyoomi cut off his rambling with the slightest brush of their lips and hoped that it conveyed all of what he felt too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> His hands were for once the sweaty ones, and his mind was going into overdrive at the impulsive action. But he didn’t regret it. Not when somebody saw him, really saw him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll wait for you Miya. As long as you wait for me too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Astumu gawked at the taller boy before furrowing his brow in determination. He presses another kiss on Kiyoomi's mouth, gentle and awkward but never pressuring. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“ I’ll hold ya to it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the morning when they both leave to board their separate buses, they don’t bother exchanging numbers, too scared of trying and failing. The only thought in their head the lingering promise to </span>
  <em>
    <span>wait</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Later on, Sakusa finds out that both komori and Osamu call them idiots for that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next couple years blur, he dates but it’s always lackluster, nothing worth keeping around. He never wants to admit they don’t work because he's still stuck on a what-if and almost. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They catch glances at each other at matches, sometimes they would brush hands as if to remind the other that they were waiting for them. To remind them of their promise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m still waiting </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t give up </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Went unspoken. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But before Kiyoomi knows it, his trying out and making the team for the Black Jackals and standing right beside him is the one and only Miya Atsumu, same cocky grin and bright brown eyes, but broader and taller, more confident and less fake.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He is in some ways the same boy he met all those years ago, but not. Sakusa wonders is he different too, and if he is, does astumu notice? Does he notice the height difference that went from five inches to only two, does he notice how he would fit perfectly in Sakusa arms just under his chin if he wanted too? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Does he notice that Sakusa still wants him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t hesitate this time to take the number offered to him. He also isn't hesitant to take Atsumu's offer to come back to their rooms and let their hands do more talking then they ever had. It’s only when Atsumu has omi curled up on his chest that he fully relaxes, and thinking that the other was sleep he whispered: </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Omi, is it crazy to think I might love ya already?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kiyoomi tensed and quickly sat up to lock wide eyes with Atsumu’s own shocked ones and he had the thought of:</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They don’t tell you how it feels to fall in love, the mortifying ordeal of having to open your heart and letting another see what you so carefully have hidden behind closed doors and enclosed in the toughest of glass. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They do not tell you that once you meet that person who wanted to learn </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> how scary everything else would fall into place. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They don’t tell you how it feels to fall in love with Miya Atsumu . </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But for once Sakusa is not terrified, his excited. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No I don’t think that’s crazy, because I think I love you too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Atsumu smiled like all his dreams had come true.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Saskusa Kiyoomi is not easy to love. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His hands were dry and cracked from constant washing and hand sanitizers and he often had  days where he couldn’t stand to be touched because his mind churned out on repeat how much germs and bacteria lives on the average person hands. <br/></span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> he has days where his Mysophobia got so bad he had to be talked down from panicking right in the middle of the restaurant just cause he swear he saw spots on their silverware.</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But that’s okay because Miya Atsumu still loved him. He made loving him seem easy. </span>
</p>
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